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18 December 2015 @ 05:56 pm

Today I picked up my divorce packet. SHEESH! Whole lotta papers going on there!
Had a little trouble finding something to eat at home tonight. Of course since it's Friday night, Joe wasn't even there when I got home. He didn't care about me before. Why would he now. *lol* Awesome! I get to watch what I want to on t.v.
And what kind of a person only buys for themselves and doesn't even care about his wife. Yeah. That does still hurt a lot. But oh well. I'll get over it someday... I'm gaining a lot more than I'm loosing. I just keep telling myself that. It's true. Someday, this will all be just a distance memory...

I called my mom today. To let my parents know whats going on. And they are going to help me. As far as I can tell so far, the part I'll have trouble with is the 2 utility companies that require a $200.00 deposit each... I believe I have everything else under control.
I just can't help but keep wondering where his head is. How can he with a clear conscience just buy food for himself? I don't get it. He hasn't bought anything that we could both eat. Like stuff to make tacos. He has been eating out, and buying himself canned chili, other canned foods like Chef boyardee... No potatoes. No eggs. Nothing normal. Certainly nothing for me. OH yeah! There was those 2 bags of Popcorn Indiana Kettle Corn that I love. Yes, he did bring me those. How thoughtful. Almost like a slap in the face though. Gets himself food. Brings me some popcorn. Wow. How thoughtful is that. Who needs to be treated like this. Not me!

My Mood Is:: blankblank
16 December 2015 @ 07:20 am

I think. *lol* Kinda worries me a little that i have to fill out an online application.  I went and looked at the house that I want to rent. I like it. The basement is way cool! *lol* I luv basements. I'm originally from the mid-west. And I just love big big basements. Anyway, yesterday on my lunch break I went and paid $200.00 down towards the rent. I'll pay the remaining $350.00 when I get paid on the 25th. Or somewhere near there since thats xmas day. *lol*

I worked a 12 hour shift yesterday with a migraine all day long. I get home exhausted and so ready to just go to bed. I don't sit down on the couch for 5 minutes and my husband Joe asks me if I'm going to pay bills in 2 weeks. I tell him no. How can I pay the bills here and get a place to live. So he says well then I'm shutting everything off. I'll take you off of the car insurance tomorrow. I just say ok. Because I already knew he would do this. It's not any grand surprise to me. Then, after a few minutes tells me (as if I'm a child and cant function on my own.) So, I'd suggest you go tomorrow and get insurance. And also you know your responsible for your car payement don't you. Noooo! Really!? wow... So, I tell him well yeah. How could I not know that! And asked where the paper work is to pay the payments. Over there in the basket. He says. wow. Thank you for all your help. Afterall, this is a situation that you created. But I understand how you'd be angry at me, for your own actions... whatever!

Says that he can have my cell phone taken off, switched so thatst take the payment for my phone is taken out of my bank account... I guess that would be alright. Sounds easy. Other than the fact that I have to close out all my bank accounts and open new ones... Wait for new cards... No wonder people stay married, and just do whatever they want and live seperate lives. But stay married and miserable half the time. In a way, its almost easier than all the ugly tough stuff you have to do. I'll get through it though. I'll be healthier for it, in the end. My nerve pain will probably improve. I'll loose weight. i won't be stress and emotional snacking. I'll be sociable.

I hope i'm able to find all of my things. i was looking for a hand gun this morning I had bought several years back. $300.00 Browning. i thought it was in the bottom drawer of the gun cabinet. Not there... I'll need the extension cords i use. Really wanted to make sure I had that gun though. I could sell that if I need to.
Good thing I just bought myself a new blanket and pillow last month. *lol*

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My Mood Is:: sarcastic
13 December 2015 @ 02:22 pm

I am not worrying. But just becoming more and more aware of all the things I have to take care of. I know everything will work out. The God and Goddess will provide. The Universe will arrange all that needs to be moved and arranged as long as I keep positive. The Lady will not fail me. I know this. I also know I have a lot of work to do. I've always had a worry-free outlook in times of crisis and something always comes about to save me. :)

13 years of crap in closets, etc... to clear out. Everything is in my husband's name. Even the bills that I pay. Such as internet service. So, I will probably loose that email address. Unless, maybe its possible to delete that account and re-open one in the same name after I open my account... I don't know. I don't even know if I will go with the same ISP. I've been looking over things a Verizon too. Right now our cell service is through Straight Talk. I might go through them. I guess t.v. is a luxury not a must. I am plenty happy watching my dvd movies. But I would have to buy a dvd player. *lol* oh yeah and the fact that I don't have a t.v. LOL!!

No furniture.. But it doesn't worry me to rough it for a bit. I know I'll have to build things up slowly. I will feel a lot better once I can get the house secured and know its mine. All the bills are due in 2 weeks. So, I might end up going without internet or having my phone cut off for a couple of weeks. That will be weird. My soon to be ex-husband said he can't afford all the bills by himself and will have to start shutting things off. Suuuuurrrre...

I'm making sure to document everything too. Just incase I need it on down the road. He already hasn't bought me any food in 3 days. He goes out to eat. Gets fast food and brings it home for himself, or fixes himself something. I can't eat the same food as him, because I have gluten sensitivity. So, when he fixes pot pies, cream of chicken, etc... thats not something that I can have. He had bought me some salad a day or so before I let him know I think I have found a place to move to, and some eggs. So I've been eating that. And I had some gluten free pasta that I made into a yummy summer pasta dish. But I'm tired of boiled eggs. And the salad is gone. I did break down and go buy 2 pork loins today for $1.29 :D

The money I have left out of my paycheck I need to spend on gas to get back and forth to work. And I'm hoping I the home owners/realtor let me put $200.00 down on the house tomorrow when I go look at it. ***fingers crossed***

I should save some money on the vehicle insurance. Surely insuring one car will be less than a boat, 2 motorcycles, a blazer, a pick up or two and my mustang. Yes, only one of those is mine. Oh yeah, theres also a camper.

I'm exciting to start my new beginning. A new journey! It has taken a long time for me to get to this place. A place where I can feel hopeful about going out on my own. A place where I can feel okay about giving up the material things I've accumulated from being married. My own stove, dishwasher, ... I can let go of those things now. Everything is going to be just fine. I am going to be alright. I'm going to be better. Every holiday, celebration, day off is not going to be ruined. Every time I'm in a good positive mood, is not going to be ruined. I'm not going to be a wounded heartbroken zombie all the time.

AND I'll totally have the privacy to do my rituals! woohoo!! I have no magickal space of my own right now. Thats probably one of the big reasons why I havent been actively practicing for the past could of years. Everything in my life has just felt out of balance and chaotic.

Goddess Bless )0(

My Mood Is:: accomplishedaccomplished
13 December 2015 @ 03:11 am

Don't you just love all the promise and optimism a new day brings us!

Things were so bleak and heart breaking for me at the beginning of the week. Here I am about to start a new week. And everything is just completely different. But in a good way. I'm still getting a divorce. But I've taken steps to change my life. To carve a happier, healthier life for myself. Yes, I'll be living on my own for the first time in nearly 30 years. But I'm going to be someone happier, healthier, and stronger. I wonder what the years ahead will be like. How will I change? How will I be different? It's going to be an exciting and uplifting journey for sure.

Yesterday I called about the house I'm interested in renting. I was nervous to call the realtor on a Saturday. But, it was totally just eating at me. What if, by my sitting here being scared and doing nothing it gets rented to someone else? That house is perfect for me. It just went on the market only a couple days before all this divorce fiasco happened in my life. That house is meant for me. It's cute and cozy. It's just blocks away from my job. Which means I won't be driving an hour back and forth to work. No driving on the snowy, frozen, icy, foggy, highway in the winter just to go to work. No more missed days from the weather. Which is a stresser, because we are only allowed 8 call ins per year before getting fired. So thats always weighing on my mind. And we don't just get those 8 days back at the beginning of the new year. It's a 'rolling year' which means you earn the day back ONE YEAR from that call in day!!

So, the realtor was a very very nice man to talk with. Very laid back and friendly. I asked if there is a deposit and if I would be allowed to make payments. He said that he's been burned in the past. And I told him a brief reason of why I'm looking for a place to live. I told him I am getting a divorce and I am looking for a permanent home. That I work in that town and have been employeed at the nursing home there for almost 3 years now. He was happy to hear that I have no pets *giggles* And I can see the house on Monday. I could see it sooner if I wanted to drive over. But I just don't see any reason to use up a quarter tank of gas just to look, when I could look on Monday after work...

I'm hoping that they (the realtor and owners) will allow me to put a couple hundred down towards the rent. The rent is $550.00 and my car payment had to be made. So, I have $300.00 or so left. I'll need around $100.00 of that for gas to go back and forth to work the next couple weeks. I have no idea what it will cost to get things hooked up. So many things to open up in my own name. I don't yet know what I'll be able to have and what I won't. Cell phone? Internet?  Dish t.v.? Dish is kinda spendy. Maybe just cable. Is there even cable still available? lol!! How did I become that woman that has no idea about the bills. Because she lets her husband handle everything...

So, I go back to work tomorrow morning. It's been an interesting vacation *lol*
I might ask for some 12 hour shifts to help out my financial situation. And yay! What a great husband to do this at christmas time! wow...


signature tag created and colored by me
greyscale lines purchased at ALP
My Mood Is:: okayokay
28 November 2015 @ 07:28 pm

Hey everyone!! Have you heard about
It's hosted by moonshinefaerie

It sounds like a lot of fun! I'm excited to participate in a pixel event again. It's been a long long time.

Go join the fun by clicking on the purple xmas tree!!!

My Mood Is:: gigglygiggly
01 March 2015 @ 06:43 pm

Looks like I am going to need to get a shot of Cortisone in my left hand now too. Already had one in my right hand and was sick for 3 weeks, on the verge of vomiting everyday because there is a small amount of gluten in the Cortisone shot.

It's either that or keep having miserable days of dropping things at work. Important embarassing things like people's drinks (water,milk,juice)... Weakness is increasing. Strength is decreasing. Pain is increasing. Even carrying a food tray feels like I'm going to drop it. Grabbing my water cup is even difficult. Twisting the lid off to refill it is just plain embarassing at times. Who the heck can't twist off a plastic lid with a straw in it at 48 years old!!!


Totally accepting any natural remedy advice =)
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My Mood Is:: crazycrazy
12 February 2015 @ 10:22 am
Have you heard of Younique and that cray-cray 3D Fiber Mascara! I LOVE IT!! I tried 3D fiber mascara for the first time this past September. I had never heard of fiber lashes mascara. I had never heard anything about 3D mascara or what it was all about. I've always loved mascara. But had given up on make up that does not deliver on what it claims. THEN, I decided to give this fiber mascara a go. It took me a little bit to even understand what it was, before I ordered it though. So I can totally understand anyone's confusion on what it is exactly. The name to me sounded like it was false eye lashes. Which I have no interest in what-so-ever.

But I took a leap of faith and tried it. OMG! Totally fell in love with it immediately!!! HUGE incentive that it is natural and gluten free. That was a huge seller for me. The fibers are 100% all natural green tea fibers. I fell in love with all of my Younique make up and skin care products from the very 1st second they touched my skin.

#lashlolita www.lashlolita.com
I became a Presenter (also known as a consultant) a month later. It was only $99.00 for me to join. So, really a very low start up cost. That really fit right into my budget. And its so easy to do the online parties for my hostesses. It's so simple, its just plum crazy! *giggles*

Connect with me on my Facebook Profile, Business Page,  or set up your party via my website Lash Lolita

Blessings & have a fabulash day!

Where Am I: : Far Far Away
My Mood Is:: cheerfulcheerful
11 February 2015 @ 05:56 pm
portus Happy Birthday thoughts going out to you tonight. I hope you've had a totally rockin' birthday today. And I just have to say portus that I didn't know your Tallie!!!! *giggles* I'm a Tallie Pixels addict =}

(((((many hugs and blessings)))))

My Mood Is:: anxiousanxious
10 February 2015 @ 04:43 pm
Stumbled across a cool pixel place today. Followed a link at nvr_existed's site to moonshinefaerie's place!!

Go check it out. Tell 'er faerycharmjulie sent you :) 
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Where Am I: : Never Never Land
My Mood Is:: geekygeeky
09 February 2015 @ 07:30 pm
What a hard day at work. My back is in sooooo much pain. I cry. I cry again.... *ugh*!! SO embarrassing!! It is so incredibly difficult to work in so much pain. When I'm bending, lifting, turning other human beings, pushing, pulling. You wouldn't guess how terrificly heavy someone's legs are when they do not move around on their own any more! It feels like no one understands. I am an empath. So, its really hard for me to comprehend how people cannot sympathize and understand how much pain another person is in. I know they can not feel my pain. I know they are not in the business of caring for other staff. We are there for the residents. But sheesh!

At least I got my doctor called today and got onto a pain reliever. I didn't want to. But the pain is just too out of control. I can't even function in my own life anymore. The pain is in my lower back and radiates to my entire hip, my whole right leg and foot. We are on our feet all day long. On the go. We have put our foot down and refuse to go without our 30 minute lunch break. That is the only time we get to sit down and have any kind of rest on our bodies! We are 'suppose' to have 2 - 15 minute breaks (on the clock) and clock out for 1 - 30 minute lunch break.

But it is non-stop on the go. From 6:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. in the afternoon (if we work only an 8 hour shift). It's just ridiculous!! Dressing and cleaning and changing/toileting residents. Serving breakfast, feeding... Go toilet and lay them all down, make beds, pass ice to all of the residents (cups of ice water on their bed side tables)... By then its 10:00 in the morning and we need to start taking our lunch breaks, to be back in time to turn around and get everyone up, toileting, lunch.... then do it one more time all over again; to toilet and lay them back down.... *ugh*

My husband just does not understand how stressful and strenuous it is.

I need to have carpal tunnel surgery. I was talking to a couple of staff members today and my nurse was telling me I wouldn't be able to do any lifting for 4-6 weeks!!! Whaaat! I thought carpal tunnel surgery was a quick out patient deal! How on earth am I suppose to be able to take that much time off! *shakes head* It truly feels like 'when it rains, it pours'....

Thank you for listening/reading. When I feel all alone it helps to write it all out :)
Light & Love xo

Wo  - Work

He  -  Health

Lo  -  Love

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Where Am I: : couch
My Mood Is:: sleepysleepy
I'm Listening To:: Crazy